My wife finally gets her wish, as I’m having my head examined today. I’m being scanned for a brain tumor as the result of a disproportionate hearing loss in one ear. I’m not too concerned with the test since things are what they are. Hell, I’m just grateful that we have insurance. But what I am concerned about is the “Phenomenon” factor. If you recall, John Travolta’s character saw a flash of light, then became something like the smartest guy in the world. They find out that the reason he became so smart was because of a tumor stimulating new areas of his brain – while concurrently killing him. My fear is that somehow I do have a brain tumor, and this is as smart as I’ll ever be. No cure for cancer. No great American novel. No Portuguese. Just some good ads. Then they’ll remove the tumor, and I’ll start tweeting about legos or global warming or something. And I’ll have to become a social media expert to earn a living. They won’t know the results of the test today, so now every time the doorbell rings I’ll fear two somber surgeons standing at the door. In scrubs.
Seriously, don’t worry about me. I just wanted to get this out. Fingers crossed.