Stick to the mainstream, Jim. You’ll be happier.

But what of my dreams?

Fuck your dreams. They’re unsustainable. There’s no money in them. Especially yours. Best to just get in line and receive your fair helping of happiness as it’s been defined for everyone else. You’re not special, you know.

Trust me, I know. But what if there’s something else? A different path than everyone thinks is right?

You know what? There actually is a different path. But the thing is–you’re not the right guy to take it. That destiny is reserved for people who have never stepped foot in the machine. You, my friend, have been neck-deep since birth. And you’ve been fighting it for a decade. It’s time to relax, Jim. Besides, you’re 50.

What about my will?

Oh yes, that. Well you see, that’s all just a lie. Strike that. It’s not a lie. You have a will. But your will is limited to what we deem relevant. You want to become a millionaire? Absolutely–cut each other’s throats in business deals or hire slave labor. By all means, do whatever it takes to grab as much cash as you can and then spend it on whatever your heart desires. We’re ok with that.

But what if we will something different? Something simpler?

As I’ve mentioned, this concept is a fallacy. Your options are to conform, or become an exile in the desert. But even the best could only handle 40 days out there. Quit fighting, Jim. Let go.

I just don’t know if I can do that.

Well, that’s what the drugs are for.

But the drugs aren’t helping.

Then schedule a lobotomy. Do whatever it takes. Look, it’s time to conform. The sooner you realize this, the happier you’ll be. Trust me.


Jim Mitchem

The Art of the Elevator Pitch
Sea Dream

Jim Mitchem

Writer. Father to daughters. Husband. Ad man. Raised by wolves. @jmitchem on twitter. First novel, Minor King, out now.