Unless you're a Yogi, or you're smoking some righteous
shrub, chances are – you can't get quiet enough to get out of your own way in
life.
As human beings, we're at the top of the brain chain. But
with great power comes an innate desire to control, well, everything. We buy
TiVo to skip the commercials. We plan our vacations years in advance. We use
fertilizer to have children. The list is endless. And it carries over into
business when we hire focus groups to tell us which messages might yield the
most favorable results. Or when we pore over which new hire will have the most
impact on our bottom line. Or when determining which kinds of clientele will
best sustain our growth plans.
Attempts at control are a natural occurrence for human
beings. And it's perfectly fine. That is, until it gets the best of you.
I am lucky enough to have had multiple personal reference points to know damn well that we don't control as much as we like to think we do. I
sometimes joke that I don't even control what I'm having for dinner, much less
where I'll be in 5 years.
This is not to say that we shouldn't set and pursue
goals. On the contrary, goals are absolutely essential for any kind of success
in life. When you have realistic goals and take the steps necessary to reach
them – then at some point you must let go and let things play out. The trick is
to know that some goals aren’t meant to be reached. When this happens, it’s time
to reassess – not force things.
Here's what I've learned – there's strength, peace and
happiness in letting go and letting things take their course. In getting quiet
and getting out of my own way. In accepting that there’s a universal truth at
play that makes order out of all the chaos.
Be honest with yourself and others, do the best you can
and then get the hell out of the way. Amazingly, the cards always fall the way
they're supposed to. Even when it ‘appears’ they don’t – they still do. Like it
or not.
So how do you deal with trying to control things in your
life? We're curious to know.
Jim is a father, husband, copywriter and founder of smashcommunications.com. You can find him on Twitter @smashadv
tommartin
Jul 15, 2009
Excellent post. Easy to forget that control is an illusion. Funny thing is, seems like when I try the hardest to make the world do what I want it to, things don’t go my way. When I’m not really watching, stuff just starts happening… great advice my friend. Appreciate you sharing it with us.
@TomMartin
Dan Dashnaw
Jul 15, 2009
You’ve successfully captured the yin and the yang of my existence here, Jim. It seems that I’m constantly mediating an epic battle between my rational formulations and my greater belief in trusting the perfection of circumstance. This can be tiring, to say the least.
The unanswerable question which I’m eternally looking to resolve relates directly to this:
“…at some point you must let go and let things play out.”
Where exactly is this point? No one knows, and no formula that I can design delivers a dependable strategy to locate it. As such, the battle continues. 😉
Great post!
Jim Mitchem
Jul 15, 2009
Thanks Tom – I wrote this post as a reminder to myself. I actually think my wife forcing me to go to yoga this year has helped with the whole ‘letting go’ thing.
Jim Mitchem
Jul 15, 2009
Thank you Dan – yes, sometimes the simplest things in life are the hardest to wrap our brains around. And even if we can, practicing them is another thing altogether. I try to take a step in the direction of my goals every day. On days I don’t, I feel like shit (mentally/spiritually).
We tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves. Pressure builds up.
Kathryn
Jul 15, 2009
The only real control I have over anything is my reaction to it. I try to control by making myself aware and then gauging if this is something I really need to act/respond to and then I try to influence.
I have learned, through many lessons, I don’t really have any control.It does make one calmer somehow…..
Jim Mitchem
Jul 15, 2009
It’s ironic ain’t it – that by giving up some level of control, we gain it? 😉
Kara Schwab
Jul 15, 2009
“Quiet” is not the first thing that comes to mind when people think of me. It’s not even like the 16th thing. My brain is a carnival, and I often find myself along for the ride. I try to will myself to be quiet, which makes me think harder about how not quiet my brain feels … and I’ll start wondering, “Did I take out the chicken?” Or think, “Boy, rabbits are soft.”
Which is why I loved what Jim had to say about getting out of the way. I can do that. I may not be able to control my circumstances or master every thought, but I can remove myself. I can realize I’m powerless to control the wave or stop it with my body when it continues crash down on me. It’s true – there is strength in knowing when to walk away. And interestingly, that place called “out of the way” just happens to be quieter. I’ve been there a few times, anyway. I think it’s time I go again. Thanks, Jim.
Jim Mitchem
Jul 15, 2009
ok, so some people can’t get all the way out of the way. 😉 thanks Kara.
Stacy
Jul 15, 2009
Great post Jim. I love reading your examinations of the great paradoxes in this life. I try to put myself somewhere between “I can only control my own reactions to things” and ‘I need to make things happen’. As you said; taking steps toward one’s pre-set goals is good exercise for the human mind/spirit. We NEED that discipline to help us feel more secure & then we are less apt to be apathetic I think. However knowing the ‘Zen’ moment of letting things play out is where real freedom comes into play. I find that balance by this quote someone gave me eons ago. “There are two kinds of problems, those you can do something about and those you cannot. Therefore, to the wise, there are no problems.” This simple quote reminds me how to tell with terrific accuracy where that ‘Zen’ moment is.
Jim Mitchem
Jul 16, 2009
Thanks Stacy. Discipline’s definitely underrated – but absolutely requisite for any kind of success or happiness in life.
Dave
Jul 16, 2009
Nice post. I look forward to more of your “post-vacation insights”.
Tiffany L. Ryan
Jul 16, 2009
I have had enough life experiences that have proved to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that things happen just the way they are supposed to. I now live just that way. If it happens great, if it doesn’t I’ll keep going and wait for the next thing to come along.
I’ve very rarely heard someone say it just the way you did. Fabulous!
Jim Mitchem
Jul 16, 2009
Wow, thanks Tiffany. I like the Coleridge line, “Nothing is insignificant.” that’s pretty much my mantra today.
Mandy
Jul 18, 2009
I think entirely too much, if you know what I mean. The analyzing is paralyzing. Thanks for reminding me.
Jim Mitchem
Jul 19, 2009
I think most of us tend to put more pressure on ourselves than is necessary. It’s burdensome to be at the top of the brain chain. 😉 But there is a way out – and it starts with awareness.
My novel – Minor King
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