The Year in Tweets 2012

One thing I’ve always loved about Twitter is that it forces brevity. Not unlike writing advertising. Be quick or be dead, and all that. Last December I published a post of some of my most favorite ‘favorited’ tweets from 2012, and though i’d try it again this year. So without further delay, here is chronological proof that I follow some pretty clever bastards. Many of whom are fellow copywriters. Thanks for keeping it interesting, y’all.

Passive Voice, you are hated by me.

— sara buschkamp (@buschkamps) January 5, 2012

Racism isn’t born, folks, it’s taught.I have a two-year-old son.You know what he hates?Naps!End of list.~Dennis Leary #HappyMLKDay

— Lou Brutus (@LouBrutus) January 16, 2012

Cracker Barrel founder dies on MLK day. Somewhere, the founder of Chik-Fil-A is getting out his calendar and nervously circling Pride Week.

— Glen Weldon (@ghweldon) January 16, 2012

I judge my uniqueness mostly by Google Autocomplete’s inability to guess what I’m searching.

— terryl banta (@terrylbanta) January 17, 2012

So Millennials aren’t thousand-year-old people?

— Clayton Hove (@adtothebone) February 7, 2012

If you hold an ashtray up to your ear, you can hear Las Vegas.

— Kyle van Blerk (@kylevanblerk) February 9, 2012

When writing copy, start with the one message you absolutely have to get across. Then stop.

— Lee Clow’s Beard (@leeclowsbeard) February 24, 2012

Easy there Mapplethorpe, what makes you so sure your Instagram deserves that #shotoftheday hashtag?

— stephen lundberg (@stephenlundberg) March 13, 2012

Advertisers, why not be original and use Katrina and the Waves’ Walking On Sunshine in your adverts? No one’s ever done that before.

— Adam Fairclough (@AdamFairclough) March 18, 2012

The only thing worth being proud of is hustling. Not natural talent. Education. Genes. Nope. Just working hard.

— Marketing Douchebag (@mktgdouchebag) March 21, 2012

There’s a giant possum in my backyard. A dead rat next to my trashcan. Both dogs puked. I’m one problem away from writing a country song.

— Kristin Kelly (@heyKK) March 28, 2012

If you don’t pay for the product, you ARE the product.

— Gigantic (@bernardurban) April 10, 2012

Creativity can be learned, just like interplanetary teleportation.

— Clayton Hove (@adtothebone) April 11, 2012

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

— CJ (@CJPepperGirl) April 13, 2012

You know you’re a writer when you have to dress up to go to the dentist.

— Flashpoint_TV (@Flashpoint_TV) April 13, 2012

The justification we now use for being human–passion, creativity, knowledge, emotion–is that it helps us “sell”. Something’s wrong.

— umair haque (@umairh) April 20, 2012

Meanwhile over on LinkedIn, a man wearing a blue shirt is using Excel.

— Doctor & Space Taco (@benmarvin) April 25, 2012

Greek yogurt isn’t that bad if you add a little fruit and honey to it, then throw it away and eat bacon instead.

— Señor Winces (@senorwinces) May 1, 2012

100 jumping jacks = 96 #Nike fuel points.Where did the other 4 points go?Overhead?Fuel tax? :/

— Kat Kim (@skirrrtalert) May 6, 2012

Why do people keep making videos holding up cards with words written on them? It’s like walking on a treadmill in a moving car.

— Leslie Shaffer (@artleslie) May 10, 2012

Back at public pool, where the emotional scars are hidden but the physical ones manifest as mullets, muffin tops & tragic tattoos.

— Brent Anderson (@AndBrent) May 26, 2012

Not a joiner.

— John January (@americopywriter) June 1, 2012

Lost amidst endless strip-mall sprawl. New suburbs are where urban planners go to drunkenly give up.

— Brent Anderson (@AndBrent) June 2, 2012

I’m kind of honored that I was a spammer’s first tweet.

— Joshua Mauldin (@joshuamauldin) June 4, 2012

Suffocate them with kindness.

— Tim Rebich (@nakedmedium) June 18, 2012

Telling us you’re trimming your followers is about as interesting as our grandparents telling us they dusted the house.

— Marketing Douchebag (@mktgdouchebag) June 20, 2012

If Weed was ever legalized, I can’t wait to see the commercials…

— Alan Garner (@AlanHungover) June 25, 2012

Mitt Romney is meeting with the NAACP tomorrow. I bet he’s watching Tyler Perry movies right now.

— Jonathan Morris (@JonathanDFW) July 11, 2012

4:52am. The best possible time to repaint residential street markings with a 1000 horsepower spraygun, it would seem.

— Vaughn Davis (@vaughndavis) July 17, 2012

About to pick up my daughter from her Mormon bday sleepover party. Can’t wait to meet her new husband!

— Britton Taylor (@brittontaylor) July 21, 2012

Calling Obama a socialist is an insult to socialism.

— Brent Anderson (@AndBrent) July 23, 2012

You know what kind of human interest story I like during the Olympics? The one that tells me if the athlete wins the fucking medal or not.

— stephen lundberg (@stephenlundberg) July 31, 2012

Ricky Romero pitches like he’s covered in pinchy lobsters who are upset at being coated in ghost pepper juice.

— Ryan Farkas (@ryanfarkas) July 31, 2012

According to Chick-Fil-A, traditional marriage should only be between an obese woman and a diabetic man.

— GS Elevator Gossip (@GSElevator) August 1, 2012

I can’t take movies seriously if the main characters aren’t stopping to Instagram their meals and Tweet out the chase scenes.

— Chris Sacca (@sacca) August 2, 2012

I bet NASA is dismayed by Curiosity’s choice of Instagram filter.

— stephen lundberg (@stephenlundberg) August 8, 2012

Try to remember that everyone you love & cherish will die, rot & disappear forever.

— Edgar Allan Poe (@Edgar_Allan_Poe) August 10, 2012

The number of “followers” you have does not make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12.

— Ted (@ImRealTed) August 11, 2012

I’m gonna make a movie called “Crash” about a drummer who has to hit a crash cymbal every 3 seconds… OR HE DIES! Starring Alex Van Halen.

— Dylan Beattie (@dylanbeattie) August 20, 2012

I’m going to be a great step-mom one day and teach all my step-children to sing and outsmart Nazis.

— Amanda J. Pittman (@amandarants) September 3, 2012

People who retweet gurus who tweet quotes.

— Chris Walbert (@cwalbert) September 4, 2012

Obama’s going to win this in a landslide. Can we stop the nonsense and give the money to charity instead please? #dnc

— kai macmahon (@kaimac) September 7, 2012

“What’s today, child?” “Why, it’s Romney Told ½ Of America To Eat A Dick Day, m’lord!” “FETCH THE BIGGEST GOOSE AT THE MARKET”

— Josh A. Cagan (@joshacagan) September 18, 2012

I’m out of mustard. (Worst tweet ever)

— Irish Boy (@IrishBoyNine) September 21, 2012

Congrats to @jmitchem, who’s blog has been blocked by my corp firewall as category: “Traditonal Religions”. That’s some sort of achievement.

— Clay Fowler (@clayrelwof) October 2, 2012

Actually a more realistic married sext would be “I washed the dishes and changed the lightbulb in the bathroom.”

— Brian Essbe (@SortaBadass) October 8, 2012

Going to McDonald’s for a salad is like going to a hooker for a hug.

— Brent Anderson (@AndBrent) October 9, 2012

BFF 4-EVA is the new ATM Machine.

— Thea Lux (@thealux) October 24, 2012

Hurricane Sandy sounds like the nickname a sales rep would give herself at her first out-of-town conference.

— Andy Ross (@waitforandy) October 26, 2012

Everything outside smells like weed. #GoSFGiants

— Kristin Kelly (@heyKK) October 29, 2012

Can I just say that Chris Christie running to suck at the teat of the federal government because *his* state is ravaged, grosses me out.

— Dawn Summers (@realdawnsummers) November 5, 2012

I think someone just tried to insult me by calling me a “liberal”, but all I heard was, “You use facts & logic in your decision-making!”

— Ashley Ford (@iSmashFizzle) November 8, 2012

Mike Judge would be guaranteed an Emmy for a Beavis & Butthead episode that took place entirely in the nut butter section of Whole Foods.

— Ian Sohn (@IanSohn) November 18, 2012

That moment you freak out in a “stalled” elevator because you forgot to push a button.

— John Kochmanski (@JohnKochmanski) December 4, 2012

It hurts my feelings when I pet the cat and he licks himself clean where I touched him.

— Angela Natividad (@luckthelady) December 6, 2012

If you’re ever on a game show and you’re asked what the worst movie in the history of man is, the answer is Vampire Dog. Trust me.

— Craig Utt (@axismg) December 15, 2012

This year for Christmas all I want is the Earth, Wind & Fire horn section, so they can punctuate my points in presentations.

— Brent Anderson (@AndBrent) December 18, 2012