Until I was eighteen, sex meant using my imagination and a JC Penny catalog. But then things changed. And for the next six years I enjoyed the company, and the madness, of many women. It was the age in life when we fling our bodies around like Frisbees. With hormones raging and our bodies in peak physical condition, we feel like Gods. I’m sure it’s no different today. Nor will it be any different tomorrow.

But then things changed again – when love entered the room. Love is different than just sex. Yes, sex is part of love. An important part. But somehow, sex was even better with love. Something about the intimacy changed. And, for the most part, it was good. So I practiced a few monogamous relationships and was actually getting more sex than ever – just with the same person.

Then I fell in love with my wife and that was that. Best sex ever. Had some kids. Lived for a couple of decades and bam – sex changes again. Don’t worry, I’m not going to talk about our sex life here. But you might be surprised to know that as far I can tell – sexual desire never disappears. The priority for it just shifts a bit. Then a bit more. Other things start to take precedence. Like going to a kid’s soccer game instead of rolling around naked in the house all morning on a Saturday. Or going to a middle school open house instead of sharing a bath by candlelight. Yes, sex is still great. I mean an orgasm’s still an orgasm. And orgasms are always awesome. Especially when shared.

However, any monkey can have an orgasm with a random piece of fruit. And so sex as it exists in our twenties is not as important as we thought it was at the time. Rather, it satisfied an appetite. Albeit, some of us have more voracious appetites than others – and because of this, there’s very little room for love to play a role. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved every woman I was ever with. But I was only in love with a few. When love does enter the room however –  everything changes. Your eyes open. Your heart softens. You begin to trust. It feels amazing to give yourself completely to another – in a way that transcends the physical.

If you think that sex is the most important thing in life, then I’m going to guess that you’re either 22, or you have never been in love, or you are just doing life wrong. Sex is great. And it remains great, as far as I can tell. But at some point it hits you that there’s more to life than having an orgasm. Which, when you think about it, is damn ironic.


Jim Mitchem

On @TimTebow, Jesus and Social Media Gurus
Death to Routines

Jim Mitchem

Writer. Father to daughters. Husband. Ad man. Raised by wolves. @jmitchem on twitter. First novel, Minor King, out now.