We’re off to the beach for a couple weeks. On the frothy Atlantic near where I grew up in northeast Florida. When I was a child there, the sugar cane grew wild and the freeze line was far enough north that we grew orange trees. It’s not like that anymore. Now there are subdivisions jammed into every mangrove and at some point the freeze line crept down – pushing the orange groves to central Florida. But it’s home for me, and over the past decade I’ve made believers of my wife and daughters. We completely recharge and reconnect as a family in this place. 

In gearing up for this year’s visit, I can’t help but think about what’s going on in the Gulf.  And while we’ll see no direct impact of the oil disaster where we’re going, the ocean will likely be really pissed.  And it will probably take it out on me. In a few days I’ll dive headfirst into the breakers and come face to face with a tiger shark who had just arrived in this safe haven after a long swim as the result of being pushed out of his home in the Gulf.  I’ll panic and swim away only to be bitten in the side. My entrails dangling next to me, I’ll make it to the shore but I won’t have the power to call for help. My wife and kids will be in the house getting ready for a picnic while I’m bleeding to death a few hundred feet away. After a couple minutes, the tide will wash me back out into the water where the shark is waiting. I’ll be eaten, of course, and instead of oil the sand will be stained with my blood. 

So I’ve got that to look forward to. 


Jim Mitchem/@smashadv

NOTE: In case you’re thinking of robbing us while we’re gone, a few things to consider: 

1) There is still someone here and they have a dog that knows how to use a taser. 

2) The neighborhood police (patrol station on the next block) have been alerted to our trip and have committed to using our driveway as a place for coffee breaks while they look for speeders. 

3) The computer is in for maintenance and the TV is locked against the wall. There’s nothing else to take – trust me on that one. 

4) You will be caught. I like cool things like video surveillance – which are most definitely in play, and out of sight. 

5) You have better things to do than go to jail. 

click here for original location of Tiger image

Finally, this post marks the end of my daily contribution to #300Words. It’s a great exercise and I encourage any writer to take part in it and have some fun. I’ll still contribute as I can. Bye. 

Posted via email from 300 Words

Layout Artist Needed
Fake Empires

Jim Mitchem

Writer. Father to daughters. Husband. Ad man. Raised by wolves. @jmitchem on twitter. First novel, Minor King, out now.