I wanted to issue an apology, as I’ve known most of you for more than a decade. I’m ashamed for how I’ve acted these last few months. These last few years, actually. This isn’t me. Not the real me.
And trust me when I say that I don’t want to feel this shit. I’m tired of it–this daily fucking outrage. I just want to talk about dogs and baseball and art and the mundane.
I resent how these days have affected me. Even to the point where I can’t focus on the things I love.
But this is my country. I served it. I love it. I love its people. Fuck with my country and we got problems. So yeah, we’ve had problems for a long time, and now it’s all just bubbling over. And perhaps the worst part of all of this is that half of us are living under a lie, and those who are think that the OTHER half is living under the lie.
It feels like insanity. And it’s gotten to me.
But there are people making decisions for us who simply don’t understand the struggle of poor people. Or the struggle of black people. Or of people who are simply trying to live a happy life without worrying whether they’ll go bankrupt because they are human and live in a fallible human body.
I feel them all. I feel everything. And I’m allowing all of this to affect me. Daily.
But there are wars in the streets over the color of our skin. There are domestic insurgents storming the US Capital. There are climate deniers. And science deniers. And people who believe that anyone who doesn’t agree with them is an enemy. There’s a killer virus ravaging our nation—a virus that our government not only failed at containing, but even acknowledging its legitimacy. And then there are the lies. The utter tsunami of lies. Lies that have played on the hearts of men by appealing to their biases and fears and twisting them from God-fearing neighbors, family, and friends—to belligerent gunmen who would defend the devil himself because of his forked tongue.
I really can’t wait to put these awful days behind us so I can start talking about dogs and movies again. There’s got to be an ending, right?
I’m so sorry for this. I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting. You deserve a better version of me.
I promise that one day—I’ll be back to my old self. And we’ll laugh at the mundane again.