For about ten years I’ve worn the kind of underwear that holds the package neatly in place and extends to about mid-thigh. Not unlike the ones worn here by Beckham. They’re not too tight. Not too loose. They work for me. And like all men’s underwear, they have two vertical folds of overlapping fabric in the front. I call this the penis window. Whether it’s boxers or briefs – there’s always this window. The concept is that we men unzip our pants, reach in, fish around through the penis window, grab it, do our business, and reverse the process. I don’t know about other guys, but over the years I’ve perfected a thumb-hook technique where I unbutton/zip and then hook my thumb over the fabric and pull the fabric down–just below. It’s a clean and efficient model that doesn’t require a lot of penis handling. I’m sure most guys employ this method, though I did see a dude at a urinal the other day with his pants around his ankles like he was five. So you never know.
Anyway, I don’t use the penis window. Never have. In fact, I don’t know any man who does. A couple years back I asked Twitter if anyone used the penis window and the answer was overwhelmingly “No.” This, of course, renders the whole concept of the penis window pretty much useless. And it’s always too small, if I might add.
But this story isn’t just about the penis window, or for that matter whether or not the window represents antiquated design, it’s about comfort. Good underwear should be comfortable enough for a man to go about his day with complete confidence that everything’s always in its place. Mine are. I like my underwear. They’re so comfortable. In fact, it wasn’t until late in the day today that I realized I was wearing mine backward. All day. Why didn’t I realize it earlier? Because I don’t use the penis window. If I did, I’d have known it straight away after a couple coffees.
Anyway, comfortable underwear is important to men. That’s it. That’s the post. Have a nice day
UPDATE: I recently received some new underwear from my wife. Jockey. They’re very comfortable, and it appears that Jockey has solved the penis window design issue. The window on my new underwear is horizontal. Which works perfectly for the thumb method I describe above. No need to pull from the waistband anymore. And still no unnecessary penis handling. Bravo, Jockey. You get it.
11 CommentsLEAVE A COMMENT
Mar 20, 2012
Amen to the boxer briefs, and every other statement made here. 🙂
Mar 20, 2012
I dare you to share this with A and C when they’re 13/15.
Mar 20, 2012
Oh please, Nichole – they’ll read this tomorrow.
Jul 16, 2013
Mar 22, 2012
Gives a different twist to the phrase “I don’t do windows”
Oct 12, 2012
I can never find a big enough window personally.
Oct 18, 2012
I guess the window is a fashion design. Like the fake pockets on a sports coat. Why on Earth don’t they make those pockets real? I guess for the same reason they won’t remove the window.
Done With Shaking Hands | Obsessed with Conformity
Mar 24, 2013
[…] does not mean that I’m against penises (I once wrote a blog post about quality underwear.) I’m not gay or anti-gay. Though personally, I’m not attracted to them. Despite this, […]
Aug 9, 2014
Halfway through your (excellent) post, I was thinking about the “horizontal window,” which Jockey probably copied from Tommy John —the best underwear I’ve ever owned, even if Howard Stern advertises them. They truly don’t bend, ride up, allow awkward fit… And I think they invented the horizontal window. Haven’t tried Jockey’s but TJ’s work perfectly (and even though I’ve worn them for 6+ months straight, I still tend to do the thumb hook most of the time).
The Penis Window -
Aug 16, 2014
[…] This article originally appeared on Obsessed With Conformity. […]
Done With Shaking Hands | obsessed with conformity
Jul 13, 2015
[…] does not mean that I’m against penises (I once wrote a blog post about quality men’s underwear.) I’m not gay or anti-gay. Though personally, I’m not attracted to them. Despite this, […]
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