When I met my wife, she was married.
“Happily?” I asked a colleague at the law firm where I worked. He recommended I forget about her. But I had no choice. From the moment our eyes met – I knew she was the one. The funny thing about this epiphany was that I was finally at a place in my life where I was completely comfortable being alone. I’d just come out of a good relationship that was about to get serious but that I didn’t want to become serious. My heart just wasn’t in it. So I walked away. In the month between leaving that relationship and meeting my future wife, I felt stronger and more confident than at any point in my life. I needed no one. I was perfectly fine standing on my own.
And then she appeared on my first day at a new job. And my heart jumped out of my chest. I knew. I don’t know how I knew, but I did. She was the one.
She’ll tell you that even though she thought I was cute, she didn’t have the same lightning strike that I had. Because she was married, I didn’t pursue her. I wasn’t a home wrecker, after all. I decided it was best to let nature take its course.
Nature was on a fast track.
We fell in love quickly, and controversy swirled around us like sharks on chum. I was sober about a year-and-a-half and everyone I knew told me to stay away from her because pursuing a married woman would only lead to relapse. And because she was reluctant to share her feelings for me with anyone in her inner circles, I had to bear the brunt of her apprehension as well. A task that I was somehow up for.
At our firm’s annual Christmas party, everything came to a head. She arrived with her husband and sat at a table with other paralegals and associates. I sat on the opposite side of the room, across a dance floor, with other guys from the copy room. My table was full raucous banter, but for when the firm’s partners would stop by to slap us on the backs and wish us a Merry Christmas. Despite the joviality, I wasn’t feeling it. Instead, I spent the night staring across the dance floor at the table where my future wife sat with her current husband. I tried hating him, but couldn’t. I had nothing against him. He just married the wrong person. So I tried thinking of ways for me to be a romantic hero and sweep her off her feet. I considered walking over and inviting him to a duel. Because he didn’t know I existed, I would have had the upper hand. I felt bad for him as I watched him from afar. He wasn’t a bad looking man. He wore glasses. And I noticed that he never once touched her. Not even to hold her hand or touch her back as he leaned in to hear something she’d say. Every minute or so, she would look over in my direction. I knew that she too was enduring the same gut-wrenching pain that was tearing me apart. After a couple of hours of this, and before the drunk, white lawyers gathered on the dance floor for a synchronized routine, I left. Being in the same room with the person I loved and not being able to touch her, or smell her, or talk to her was too much. I wasn’t worried about the husband. He was a non-factor. I was worried whether my heart was true and whether the most powerful emotion I’d ever known was really just a lie. I didn’t want a drink. I wanted to be alone.
As I started across the parking lot, she emerged from the building behind me, ran up and threw her arms around my neck. She was crying. “I love you so much,” she said. “I want to leave with you. Please take me with you.” We stood there, embracing in the cold for what seemed like forever. I wanted to run away with her. To leave and start our life together. But level heads prevailed that night. Within a month, however, she left her husband and moved in with me. I never did pick up a drink, and 30 years later, we have two daughters together.
And we all live happily ever after.
My wife is the bravest person I’ve ever known.
In case you were wondering, yes, this story is true. And as of 2022, we’ve been married 25 years. Life is funny.
***
Kelly
Feb 13, 2012
Wow. What a great story!
Nichole
Feb 13, 2012
I like her even more. The courage is admirable.
Megan
Feb 13, 2012
*Sigh. Heaviness. Every time, I read something you have written, it makes me cry…and recently, I haven’t read anything that has spoken to my heart so deeply. I applaud your wonderful wife and I’m so glad you both found true love.
Jamie
Feb 15, 2012
I think it’s a beautiful story, Jim. I like it when love wins.
Don't | Obsessed with Conformity
May 4, 2012
[…] Don’t pursue a married woman, Jim. […]
Lisa Frame
May 16, 2012
Love makes us lose our head. But it also requires selflessness and a patience we never knew existed. Your love story is so beautiful, Jim. Thank you for sharing with us.
Olivier Blanchard
May 16, 2012
😀
+1.
Sophie
May 16, 2012
Beautiful story, loving and touching! Happy to hear about your happy end! 🙂
No One Said It Would Be This Way | Obsessed with Conformity
Jun 6, 2012
[…] 47. I didn’t expect to be alive this long. But I am. And I’m married to the love of my life. I have two awesome kids. A few loyal dogs. Great friends. Amazing colleagues. I’m going to […]
The Evil that Mad Men Do | Obsessed with Conformity
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[…] an epiphany. I’ve had three epiphanies in my lifetime. The first one was when I quit drinking. The second one was when I met my wife. And the third one was sitting Copywriting 101. I knew immediately that I was born to write […]
Gabrielle Laine-Peters
May 16, 2013
If only we could all be this lucky… So happy for you my friend.
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Dec 20, 2013
[…] of these things are more important than others. Like the moment I laid eyes on my wife and felt a bolt of lightning strike my heart. Or watching our daughters slide from her womb into the world. These are welcome to stay. They’re […]
Lindsay Bell (@belllindsay)
May 7, 2014
Three cheers for love. Congratulations, to you all. 🙂
Gabriella Sannino
May 7, 2014
Oo love is a many splendor thing! Bravo…
Savio
May 8, 2014
She cheated on her husband. I have been in his shoes. It is not love. How did he feel? Did either of you think about that? Yes 20 years is a long time to be in love and it possibly is true love but what about the vows she took with him? Out the window? When I went through this, my thought process was, ” boom! the love of my life loves someone else and did not even respect me enough to tell me.” I then lost the ability to trust any woman, forget that, anyone.
Jim Mitchem
May 8, 2014
He remarried within a year. We waited five to get married. They made a mistake. Mistakes happen. Not everyone believes that we should pay for our mistakes with our lives. Sorry for your unfortunate circumstances. Maybe if you let it go and open your heart again – you’ll find your true love.
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Oct 26, 2016
[…] need to conform. Despite having a father who talks up the alternative. Despite parents who met under the most amazing circumstances, light years away from following the book of life. These pressures are real and they can kick your […]
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May 16, 2017
[…] We weren’t supposed to be here. We were renegades. We met five years earlier, during confusing times in both our lives. She was married. I was newly sober. She had a “perfect” life. By the book. I was a dreg who worked in the mailroom of her law firm. […]
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Oct 13, 2017
[…] graduated from driving a cab to working in the mailroom of a big law firm—where I met my future wife on the first day. I got an apartment on my own. I bought a car and paid for insurance. I started going to night […]
Jim Murray
May 16, 2019
Wonderful, my friend. You do know when you first see a person that they are the one. It happened with my wife and I and we have been together for 40 something years. (I’m not good with that shit.
My novel – Minor King
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