Two friends have lunch.

“All I’m saying is that you voted for the amendment banning gay marriage – and you’re an idiot.” Man One said.

“Ok, ok, you can be mean all you want, but you sound like a sore loser to me. Look, I get it, you want people to love each other. Right. That’s awesome. But I have news for you pal, it’s not going to happen. It’s never been that way, and it not gonna start being that way today. Reality doesn’t work that way. I suggest you wake up and smell the coffee.” Said Man Two.

“Why? Why can’t we all just accept each other and get along? Why can’t we all just move through life without trying to force our beliefs on people? I find it hugely ironic that the people who voted for the amendment to ban gay marriage are largely Christian. Jesus himself said for us all to love each other and take care of each other. I mean I’m not a bible guy, but I’m pretty sure he said that.” Man One said.

“He did! But you see, Jesus lived in a time before there were so many people. There weren’t nearly as many different kinds of people then as there are today. We need different laws.” Man Two responded.

“That’s fucking ridiculous.” added Man One. “That’s your justification for voting FOR an amendment that removes rights from people? That there were no gays in Jesus’s day?”

“Less gays. Maybe a handful. And I didn’t vote for the amendment as a way to remove rights from people – just gay people.” said Man Two. “Look, marriage is supposed to be between one man and one woman. It’s natural. It’s how other humans are created. I’m sorry, but two women or two men aren’t going to procreate together. Ever. No matter how badly you want that to happen. So yeah, God is pretty much on our side in this argument. Homosexuality is unnatural.”

There was a long pause as both men took forkfuls of food into their mouths.

“So just because homosexual love is unnatural, as per your definition, these human beings deserve to have their rights stripped from them?” Man One asked.

“Yes. The sanctity of marriage needs to stay intact. One man. One woman. Period.” Man Two responded. “Besides, we didn’t ‘strip’ anything. We just reinforced something that already existed in the constitution.”

“What about their children?” Man One asked.

“You mean the children that homosexuals have adopted? What about them?” Man Two responded.

“That they’ll lose benefits as the result of you protecting the sanctity of marriage?”

“Collateral damage.”

“You know this is all ridiculous, right? That over time, equality will prevail. This is America, after all.” Man One added.

“Perhaps. But yesterday we showed the world that the wants and desires of a few people can’t overcome the will of the majority in America. Or, more specifically, not in the South. Ever. And you want to know something else? Come November we are going to show up at the polls in force again and put this state back in the Red column where it belongs. I don’t care if they have 10 DNCs in our city. Because the fact is – your President hasn’t been able to do shit in the four years he’s been in office. We learned our lesson in 2008. We won’t get fooled again.”  Man Two pronounced.

Man One signaled for a check as the two men finished lunch. “You know what all of this means, don’t you?” He asked Man Two.

“That we won and that you and your cronies are whining about it?”

“No, it means that wrong is in control. And that it will one day be made right.”

“The scripture isn’t wrong, buddy. And yesterday we proved it. Besides, you know they call us The Right for a reason, don’t you? You’re not right, man, we are.”

And with that, the two men stood up and left the restaurant, then shook hands and parted ways. Americans.


Jim Mitchem

Cancer: You Have It
Ode to the Mockingbird Outside My Window

Jim Mitchem

Writer. Father to daughters. Husband. Ad man. Raised by wolves. @jmitchem on twitter. First novel, Minor King, out now.