I’ve used the Twitter ‘Favorite’ option very liberally over the years. But until now, I’ve basically kept them to myself. So, in the spirit of ‘year-end best-of’ lists, I decided to share some of the tweets from my 2011 stream that made me stop and think. Note – the tweets here are from regular people I follow, not favstar.fm celebrities (and the celebrities who are listed here – I knew before they were celebrities.)
The bottom line is – I follow brilliant people. Thank you all for making my 2011 a little brighter. Better. Different. Weird.
— Jeremiah (@Pixelnated) January6, 2011
I’m glad no one can see the panic that ensues when the automatic lights in the Starbucks restroom don’t click on before the door shuts.
— terryl banta (@terrylbanta) January 10, 2011
XM Customer Service should re-name itself “we won’t help you until you threaten to cancel your subscription service.”
— Pretty Annoyed (@prettyannoyed) January 12, 2011
Wikileaks to release cables on Egypt? What secrets will be there? “Located next to Red Sea?” “Cotton is nice” #NoThereThere.
— G Valentino (@GValentino) January 28, 2011
Last week a Florida mom shot her teenagers for being “mouthy” and I bet that story has wordlessly gone up on a lot of refrigerators since.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) February2, 2011
My iPad screen is looking greasier than Guy Fieri’s face.
— stephen lundberg (@stephenlundberg) February3, 2011
Fred Durst sits by the phone, waiting for Barnes & Noble to call with an offer to license his song. Waiting. Waiting.
— Clayton Hove (@adtothebone) February6, 2011
One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. ~Plato
— Joshua Denney (@joshuadenney) February9, 2011
Dream last night = me in a tutu with a pet whale. No wonder I have trouble with the real world.
— John Kochmanski (@JohnKochmanski) February 16, 2011
— Stuart Watson WCNC (@stuartwatson36) February 17, 2011
I plan on saving a lot of money by just ending my emails with “Sent from my iPad2.”
— stephen lundberg (@stephenlundberg) March8, 2011
It has come to my attention that I misspelt Guitar. Sorry everyone.
— Gaurav Patel (@gauravity) March 11, 2011
“What no wife of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working when he’s staring out of the window.” Burton Rascoe
— Quotes4Writers (@Quotes4Writers) March 14, 2011
Oh, Gilbert Gottfried got fired, huh? That’s OK, another job will float by soon.
— Korean Celt (@KoreanCelt) March 16, 2011
Paper or plastic? No need, I’ll just wrap these 3 grocery items in the 3 feet of receipt you just gave me.
— Brent Anderson (@AndBrent) March 25, 2011
— G Valentino (@GValentino) March 26, 2011
Really, Republican voters? Trump? Rick Astley best be jumping out from behind bush and bursting into song any second now. — Ken Wheaton (@kenwheaton) April7, 2011
On a bad day, I have mood swings – but on a good day, I have the whole mood playground. ~Charles Rosenblum — John Rankins (@johnrankins) April 12, 2011
Is there anything sadder than a half deflated smiley face balloon? — Matthew Ridenhour (@mridenhour) April 13, 2011
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched “ninjas”. The computer told me “Ninjas cannot be found”. Well played, ninjas, well played. — Chantelle (@momwentcrazy) April 28, 2011
If it smells like vanilla, then it’s probably a stripper. — Patrick Saleeby (@littleepistles) April 28, 2011
Critique first. Criticize fiftieth. — Lee Clow’s Beard (@leeclowsbeard) April 29, 2011
The Ice Cube I grew up with would bust a cap in 2011 Ice Cube. With the quickness. — David Steinbach (@davesteinbach) May 20, 2011
Jesus was crazy. — J. Alex Sánchez (@AlexSantxo) May 26, 2011
I used Internet Explorer for about 5 minutes today to confirm that, yes, there are still ads on the internet. Poor IE users. — James Willamor (@JamesWillamor) June1, 2011
My Gmail is impenetrable to hackers in China because my password is just eight letter L’s. — Wade (@WadetoBlack) June2, 2011
backpacking would be so much better with a jetpack. i would jetpack the shit out of Kilimanjaro — john choe (@johnchoe) June3, 2011
Perspective is gained by distance. Which is ample justification for concepting at the beach. — Lee Clow’s Beard (@leeclowsbeard) June 15, 2011
The paradox of talent: If you’re any good at what you do, you don’t think so. — Marketing Douchebag (@mktgdouchebag) June 15, 2011
I once tried to smoke a candy cigarette. The sugar caramelized and burned a hole in the kitchen floor. Lesson learned. — Ashlyn St. Ours (@ashlyn_stours) June 30, 2011
Everything – every single thing- FaceBook and Google “add for you” in social is to study the ant farm, and further target you. — Ed Shahzade (@Ed) June 30, 2011
Aaand the 5-year-old with the whistle is terrorizing the neighborhood again.I think it’s time to have a chat with Whistler’s Mother . . . — Brenda Ford (@Brenner57) July 17, 2011
Okay. We get it. Apple has more cash than the US. 3 days you’ve been saying it. Gotcha. Noted. Wrote it down. Thanks. — G Valentino (@GValentino) July 30, 2011
If the hole for your earlobe plug is big enough, I get to put a quarter through it. — Brent Anderson (@AndBrent) July 31, 2011
3yo: “Dad, can you spell ‘Mom’?”Husband: “Yes—P…M…S.”And that’s when the knife slipped from the drawer and into my husband, Your Honor. — Jerilyn Hassell Pool (@AuntMarvel) August1, 2011
Flicker flicker go the lights as the thunder rolls in the distance. — Marja Ernst (@marjae) August2, 2011
That thing where cat owners complain that cats are untameable monsters. — Phil Koesterer (@gotophilk) August2, 2011
Jimmy soon discovered that you can not be both a flautist and a republican presidential candidate. And gave up on his dreams forever. — Jeff Kwiatek (@jeffKwiatek) August 24, 2011
SHUT THE HELL UP LIKE NO ONE’S WATCHING. — Patrick Saleeby (@littleepistles) September7, 2011
“Yeah, hi, I’d like one kitten with a side of cat hair on literally everything I own; thanks” -me, about a year ago, apparently. — terryl banta (@terrylbanta) September 27, 2011
beach > everything else — john choe (@johnchoe) October 14, 2011
You can’t hire people smarter than you. If they were smarter than you, they’d be working for people smarter than them. Fire them. — Nick Jones (@narrowd) October 19, 2011
“Can you buy pepper spray at the airport as you’re leaving?”- my mom — AJP (@amandarants) October 31, 2011
Go vote today. Or else shut the fuck up and bend over. You choose. — Armando Bellmas (@bestillplease) November8, 2011
If you ever want to see me cry, watch me after transferring a piece of cake to a plate and it lands frosting side down. — Wade (@WadetoBlack) November 30, 2011
I’m taking my 15 month old niece shopping because 1) I’m a good aunt and 2) what the fuck was I thinking? — AJP (@amandarants) December8, 2011
“The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another.” James M Barrie — Quotes4Writers (@Quotes4Writers) December9, 2011
2011: The circle of dead grass where the circus used to be. — Joseph Hughes (@JosephHug) December 12, 2011
And yes, I ‘favorite’ some of my own tweets. I do this mostly to have a record of things I’ve written that I might use again somewhere else. Here are a few that I liked best.
I’d probably get more tattoos if not for my fear of one day being hunted for my pelt. — Jim Mitchem (@jmitchem) May 23, 2011
The main reason I stopped working at agencies was to avoid shooting people. — Jim Mitchem (@jmitchem) February8, 2011
monosyllabic = the one word definition of irony. — Jim Mitchem (@jmitchem) September8, 2011