I came across this banner ad tonight.
I know it’s not as sexy to talk about advertising concepts as it is to talk about the technology that advances these concepts, but I’m a copywriter and this stuff is in my blood.
So what’s wrong with this ad? The second I saw it, I targeted the writer as a Junior. It’s not the art direction, as that’s actually a pretty strong visual and I happen to like classic layout. And it’s not the placement. This ad appeared on weather.com. The problem with this ad is the headline. Her Friends Will Be Jealous. It’s a knee jerk line that wasn’t written by someone who understands the nuances of ad writing.
ProFlowers paid for this ad to run. Thus, there’s a reason it’s there. Like with any banner ad, the goal is to A) capture my attention and B) get me to click through. And yes, to eventually buy – but an advertisement doesn’t sell a damn thing. Except an idea. Anyway, like I said I’m not a flowers-on-Valentine’s guy and my wife is cool with that. We’d rather spend that dough on going out to eat or a movie or something. Flowers die. Experiences have the potential to last a lifetime. No eighty-year-old woman has ever said to her eighty-year-old husband, “Remember those jacarandas you sent to me on Valentine’s day when we were 43? Such memories.” But I digress – this ad had a goal and is well placed. But the headline assumes too much. Her Friends Will Be Jealous implies that I will buy these flowers. Meh. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. It’s passive logic. And you can’t afford to be passive when your audience isn’t really paying attention anyway. Passive logic in advertising is roadkill.
This headline should be Make Her Friends Jealous. It’s quicker. It’s a call-to-action. It’s got some swagger. And most importantly, it’s active voice.
I don’t know if people would actually click through to the Pro Flowers site, but I do know from experience that people are more likely to act on a command rather than a hypothetical. Whenever you have the opportunity to tell your audience exactly what to do – do it.
And that, my friends, is how you write a headline for an ad. And as unsexy as it is, it needed to be stated.
***
Anthony Kalamut
Feb 3, 2011
johnthebrand
Feb 3, 2011
You had me at “The little headline that could” – beautifully dissected, sir. Hats off.
JamesWillamor
Feb 3, 2011
Haha! My first thought before reading this was that is should be, ‘Make her friends jealous.” So thanks for making me a little bit smarter today! Also, not a big fan of their font…
rattlethemarket
Feb 3, 2011
Amen to active voice. It’s so easily addressed, and so often forgotten.
Chad Schomber
Feb 3, 2011
As a fellow copywriter, I appreciate the reminder. Believe or not, I forget this golden rule from time to time. Thanks!Sidebar: This reminded me of the flower ad in “Hey, Whipple, Squeeze This…” (page 40).Later…Chad
RodSpots
Feb 3, 2011
YES! Ab-so-lute-ly!!Your truncated version has the added advantage of a strong call-to-action, laden with implications that the male of the species is certain to latch onto.Great post, nicely done.
littleepistles
Feb 4, 2011
Great post.
TheGirlPie
Feb 4, 2011
And that, my friends, is how you write a sexy post about advertising concepts & copywriting… mmm.
dr farella
Feb 4, 2011
I agree. The line is much, much better as you have rewritten it, but I’m surprised you missed a much larger issue with this banner ad.There is no logo. Writing the name of the company in the call to action is not a logo and does not sufficiently brand the company.Big mistake on their and your part.
Lee At Rsw
Feb 4, 2011
Nicely done Jim. Agreed on the flowers concept as well, waste of money. And thankfully my wife agrees.
LL
Feb 9, 2011
Love the post – and way to zero in on the weaknesses in the ad. I see similar “missed strength” all the time. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and – with ’em – a great reminder for the experienced and a nugget of wisdom for those just starting their journey.Take care!
yarby
Feb 9, 2011
Good Stuff Jim, love how you summed it all up: “I do know from experience that people are more likely to act on a command than a hypothetical.”
CinziaRolling
Feb 9, 2011
Agree! It is a very nicely written post and you hit it spot on. With consumers being bombarded with so many ads and in a constant state of “sleep mode” when it comes to ads you really need to drive your point home versus being coy.
My novel – Minor King
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