As far back as I can remember, I’ve been off-center. Whether it was terrible thoughts I used to have as a boy that eventually got me a week in the hospital with nodes attached to my scalp, or living for a decade as a man possessed with self-destruction – I’ve hardly ever been mainstream. I even voted for Ross Perot. Twice. But lately, I’ve found myself drifting closer to the center. Or at least it feels that way. And it has nothing to do with politics. I’m unaffiliated – neither Left nor Right. So it’s not that. Rather, I’m just more capable now of maintaing myself in social scenarios. I don’t seem as crazy as I used to. Sure, I’ll tweet things that may seem a little whack, and I don’t usually take the popular side in most debates inside of the Social Media space (hell, I rarely even peek over the fence anymore at the kinds of things most people in Social Media obsess over), but I’m experiencing something like a leveling off in terms of how I see, and especially react to, things. It feels balanced. And it’s a little scary. But the view from here is pretty interesting.
That said, I still have these thoughts that I can’t explain that sometimes come from very dark corners of my mind. Ideas that tap me on the shoulder when I’m trying to focus on other things. Sometimes I put these thoughts in a box for later, even though most of them climb out and run away. Unlike the old days when I’d go chasing after them, today I accept that thoughts come and go. Sometimes forever. And that’s cool. It feels like I’m beginning to recognize which ones are most important – while letting the rest of them go haunt other people.
And so that’s what I mean by balance. Frankly, I’m just amazed to move around within my social circles these days without everyone I touch knowing that I sometimes teeter on the edge of sanity. Sometimes. Though not as much.
Thanks for reading my words.