Stop right there. Before you read any further, get the notion out of your head that I’m an ego-driven maniac who thinks he’s better than everyone else. I’m not. But I am a better writer than almost everyone I know. And while you might think that’s my ego talking, if you give me a couple of hundred words I’ll explain.
Everyone does something really well. I am a lousy cook. I kill every plant I’ve ever tried growing. And despite a carpentry gene that flows through my veins, I can’t build shit. But I am a good writer. And it used to be ok to be ok with that. Only now when you say things like this, the rest of the world looks at you like a freak. Why? Because everyone writes. How many illiterate people do you know within your social networks? Exactly. Everyone writes. But not everyone is a good writer. Most people just type and publish, as far as I can tell.
A repeating theme you hear from bloggers who have managed to make a living from their writing by selling advertising space based on blog posts with headlines featuring tips and tricks is, ‘Just write. All the time. Constantly.’ And because these people have become successful at writing blogs on micro-specific subject matter, telling everyone to write like they’re getting paid for it gives people the false sense that everyone is capable of writing and getting paid for it.
Over the past year I’ve been approached a few times by people attempting to find their voice in writing. People who have heard these successful bloggers tell them that the more they write, the better chance they have of making a living doing it. That’s akin to stating that the more lottery tickets you buy, the closer you are to becoming a millionaire.
Not everyone is a good writer. No matter how much you write. Sorry. Sure, you can become a better writer in terms of grammar use – absolutely. And frankly, if you want to make grammar and structure the primary criteria for being a good writer, then I’m probably nowhere near as good a writer as you. My writing is routinely riddled with grammatical inconsistencies. Don’t mistake writing well with being a good writer.
That said, there’s one critical reason why I’m a better writer than you: Empathy.
Empathy is something you’re either born with or you’re not. Yes, you can become more or less empathetic over time, but you can’t learn to be naturally moved by things. Combine a hysterical sense of empathy with a clear understanding of how to string words together and you’ve got a dangerous combination that doesn’t often account for much. Except maybe in advertising.
As an advertising copywriter, empathy is the only reason I’ve been able to connect with so many different audiences, and why I’m absolutely confident that I can make a meaningful connection with any human on the planet when tasked. All I have to do is call on my empathy.
I do not have a blog with thousands of subscribers, so you really have no reason to believe what I’m telling you. Besides, I’m not going to tell you the things you want to hear. That’s manipulation, and I reserve manipulation for advertising. If I were to tell you to write as much as possible so that you too can make a living from it, then I’d also ask you for your credit card number. Don’t get me wrong, there are some excellent writers in the blogosphere who are truly empathetic and who understand how to use empathy so that even the most boring business post dances around in your chest. They’re out there. They’re just rare.
For me – I’m a writer first, and blogger second. I don’t specialize in topics like WordPress, Social Media or even Advertising. In fact, the name of my blog (Obsessed with Conformity) is intended to be ironic. Empathy flings itself in many directions. Sometimes it latches onto brilliant little moments in daily life that resonate enough for me to sit down and write about it. Other times it treads on life’s inequities. But in reality, I don’t really control most of the things I truly care about. I’ve tried writing to specialized subject matter on my blog, but it comes out so stale and homogenized that I feel dirty afterward. And even when I have tried to write about topics like Social Media, when I interject empathy, it sounds so different than the guys who get paid to write about topics like Social Media that it fails miserably. Ironically, some of the best posts I think I’ve written over the past few years were on business topics but, based on the numbers, you guys didn’t think so. No, my most popular posts are those that deal with real life experiences – moments when my empathy latches onto something mundane and materializes as meaningful dialogue in your heart.
So yes, write. Write your ass off. You can become a better writer with practice, just as you can become a better free-throw shooter with practice. Only, you may never make it to the pros because of variables you don’t control. Things like size, quickness, speed and age. If you practice writing, but lack true empathy that you have little control over, then you’re likely to become a serviceable writer. If you’re determined to become a paid writer in this space, I suggest finding a popular niche to focus on and exploit instead of relying on empathy to light your way. Besides, there’s really not much money in writing otherwise.
***
Ben Kunz
Sep 30, 2010
This is true, because it is only by understanding the other that we can describe the other in ways that make readers believe the other exists.
Empathy, dare I say it, also lies in the heart of a good salesman, teacher, lover, or religious icon.
We are drawn to those who reflect ourselves.
Olivier Blanchard
Sep 21, 2012
Ha. That title made me look. 😀
It isn’t just empathy. It’s also honesty. Your writing is honest. It’s raw. (Not raw in terms of structure or style. Raw in terms of how there’s very little space between the words and the place they came from. You don’t hide behind style or clever prose. You just go let it out.)
Good writers are honest writers.
It takes courage to be an honest writer. You open yourself up to judgment when you write. Petty stuff. The grammar and the choice of words, flow, tone, punctuation… Armchair critics will yap about how they would have written a sentence differently or told a story in a more interesting way… and that’s tough. It’s hard because if you’re writing, really writing, then what you write matters, and you care what people think of it. Writers learn to develop thick skin about stuff like that, but it always sucks when someone trashes our work.
But that’s just the surface stuff. When you’re an honest writer, you write about very personal things. Even if on the surface, you’re just telling a story about a friend or a character, even if you’re projecting your emotions onto someone or something else, some core part of the story is still about you. And it usually isn’t about how awesome you are. It’s about a flaw, a weakness, something you’re kind of ashamed of. We’re all a little cowardly. We’re all aware of our own flaws, and that’s what we tend to share when we write. That whole “how to get better at doing XYZ” doesn’t come from being perfect. It comes from some part of us recognizing that we’re far from perfect, and wanting to do something about it. So when we write, we draw the curtain back on our flaws. We take off the armor and peel down the facade and show our true selves. We do it because some part of us knows it’s the only way to deal with those things.
Being honest in our writing is a difficult, courageous process. Real writers and artists expose themselves in a way very few people in society ever do. When your writing is true, it isn’t just your form and skill that critics reject. It’s you. Personally.
People don’t realize this, but the same fear of rejection that makes public speaking scarier to most than being tossed into a pit filled with spiders and snakes is at the heart of what makes writing so difficult. Real writing. Not “content” or “copy.”
What makes you a better writer than most, Jim, is that your writing is honest. The empathy and the skill are big parts of it too, but don’t miss that piece of it. Without it, your writing would be solid, your treatment of topics would be human and approachable, but we wouldn’t really connect with it. It wouldn’t stick with us. We wouldn’t all instinctively want to be your friend. 🙂
Cheers,
O.
Megan
Sep 21, 2012
Great work.
Not only is empathy enormously important, but the strength of writing through voice. You, tangibly have both.
It is the empathy that is they key to effective communication regardless of opinion, ideology, belief system, background, whatever. Empathy is a strength. It recognizes vulnerability and weakness, but most importantly, the ability to connect soulfully. A willingness to move beyond surface.
There are a lot of lost arts. Philosopher, writer, copywriter, ad man…that are not recognized as having value when the market is over-saturated, or they are an art lost. Can you imagine getting paid to be a philosopher…is there even a job title for that? Maybe there is. Maybe Social Media was the tool needed to bring back the value of thought. The value in taking the time to think, invent, appreciate, experiment?
The main difference between your articles and others? There are a lot of blogs in which opinions can be thrust out quickly and hurried without writing with passion. The writer’s thoughts can be processed, but it doesn’t mean that its memorable. We all look for more. I have really enjoyed your business articles, because, its clear that there has been some real time put into your writing. A mental exploration. I know, that when I see a link on your timeline for a blog article that I’m going to get a satisfying piece of literature. Its not just another “Social Media ‘How-To’ Article” but a reflection of you, as a person.
So, thank you for your thoughtful work and sharing your personal experiences! They are appreciated.
Elinor
Dec 1, 2012
You are funny as hell and yes, a good writer. I am drawn to people who can tell a good story and you are definitely one of those. When I was reading the story of how you met your wife, it did not feel like I was reading; it felt as if we were talking together. That is a gift. I had not thought before about empathy being why people write well, but it makes sense. Connection is everything – in love, in writing, in life. I found your blog today and now I will be checking in frequently. I will definitely be entertained while learning a thing or two about connecting with one’s audience.
Carry on…
Traci
Apr 5, 2013
Thank you for telling the truth! The blogosphere is a wonderful place, though entering it as a person who is interested in writing (vs. generating income or page views), can be a shock when you see how successful other bloggers with poorly written, uninspired posts can be. Of course, this doesn’t mean I’ve never written a lame post. It’s simply a matter of putting down what moves me and hoping that others enjoy reading it too… even if it’s just a handful of viewers.
PGL
Jun 6, 2013
If you want to bark as loud as this: “Why I’m a Better Writer Than You”
You’d better have a better bite than this: “…there’s one critical reason why I’m a better writer than you: Empathy.”
Your statement that empathy is “something you’re either born with or you’re not,” is basically saying that people don’t/can’t change. That might be the case (I disagree) but to come out swinging and then hang your hat on an age-old debate is really silly.
I don’t question your level of empathy. If more people could express emapthy…hell, if more people understood what empathy even is – our world would change so much for the better. This is the longest shot of long shots. But to shut the door on those that aren’t “naturally” empathic is probably the worst course of action any one can take.
I get your arrogance and persona and everything that comes with it. And I’d guess that you’re a genuinely good person that makes the world better. But I’m pretty surprised at how close-minded you are.
Maybe “Why I’m Probably a Better Writer Than You” next time.
My novel – Minor King
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