I once owned a burro. But the damn thing wouldn't ride me into town. So I kicked his ass. On the way to work, someone cut me off. At the next light, I got off the burro and kicked that person's ass. At work, the coffee pot was empty (but still on) so I found out who took the last cup – and then kicked their ass and made them make another pot. Everyone laughed. Except one guy, so I kicked his ass. One of my colleagues started dissing one of my ideas during a brainstorm session, but he saw my eyes and decided to apologize instead. The AE objected and so I kicked his ass threw him out of the window. It was only one story. I’m not an idiot. On the way to lunch, I saw a guy on my burro so I kicked his ass and took my burro back. The guy tried taking it away again, but my burro kicked him. At lunch, some hot chick was admiring my burro, so went out and tried picking her up. But she said no, and so I kicked her ass. I kicked the waitresses ass when she didn’t bring the check in time. I tipped her nicely, though. Back at the office, the receptionist didn’t have any candy in the bowl, so I gave her some of my own personal stash (she’s cute.) Before a pitch meeting, the designer didn’t have all of the mockups ready. So I kicked the traffic person’s ass. I don’t like that guy. During the pitch, the client objected. I kicked his ass up and down the hallway. He eventually went along with our recommendations. After work, the donkey didn’t want to leave, so I put a carrot on a string. And it worked. 



Jim Mitchem/@smashadv (image: Desert Burro

The Bastard.
It's Not You, It's Me.

Jim Mitchem

Writer. Father to daughters. Husband. Ad man. Raised by wolves. @jmitchem on twitter. First novel, Minor King, out now.