Slumdog Millionaire is a moving film about trials, trivia and love. The story is set in Mumbai, India, and follows two boys and a girl from their upbringing as fecal-covered children to conflicted young adults. Director Danny Boyle (Trainspotting) does an excellent job of introducing us to a culture that is so different from our own (here in the West), that you can’t pull your eyes away from the screen. As beautiful as it is horrific, Slumdog manages to shock us into rooting for the three main characters as they somehow survive in this man-made nightmare. Most people who have seen it use words like ‘Genius’ and ‘Breathtaking’ to describe it. And while no doubt this film will be on the tips of Oscar’s tongue, I’m the guy who didn’t like it. And here’s why:

1. Did you like Rocky? You’ll like this movie.
2. Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Have never seen one episode. I can’t watch a rhetorical question.
3. The acting. I don’t know why, but I never once bought the love story. And I kept seeing Boyle in each scene.
4. Where’s Keyser Söze? I kept waiting for the story to become brilliant at some point. It seemed so obvious and rehashed. And ended that way.
5. I’m not a hype guy. In fact, I’m always more skeptical of a movie when it seems like the whole world loves it. Great films don’t try to satisfy everyone. This one does. Except for maybe the Hindus.
6. Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Oh, I’ve already mentioned this one.
7. Always look on the bright side of life – da dum, da dum da dum da dum. Hello Hollywood? We know about the atrocities of Guantanamo. There’s really no good reason for you to keep showing us what torture looks like. Jesus (pun intended).
8. Every Dog has its day. Whatever you do, don’t see Marley and Me the day before Slumdog. And I know that it’s not hip/chic to say that I liked Marley, but I can tell you this – the theater was packed and when it let out – there was not a dry eye that walked past me.
9. Speaking of Credits – Why the hell did everyone stay for the credits of Slumdog? Are you kidding me? It wasn’t like there were bloopers – they were the Indian actors dancing. Hello? You want Indians dancing, rent the brilliant Bride and Prejudice.
10. Who Wants to be a Millionaire? I get cultural cross pollination, and am all for it, but can’t we do better than export some silly game show to the rest of the world on behalf of America?

I’m really looking forward to Benjamin Button now. According to the hype on their site, they say that’s a great film.


Jim Mitchem

We had Swiss Family Robinson Once...
Twitter - There’s No Time to Talk About It. – Part 1

Jim Mitchem

Writer. Father to daughters. Husband. Ad man. Raised by wolves. @jmitchem on twitter. First novel, Minor King, out now.