I hate September. Yes, I know that it’s still technically summer, but I’ve always considered September something like a harbinger of nightmares.
When I was a child, it meant that summer was over and school had begun. Today, it’s like the tip of a poisoned arrow. September creeps in on the heels of August’s humidity cloaked as a relief worker. But it’s a lie. September means more darkness than light, more work than play, more clothes than skin, more football than baseball, more inside than outside–and most of all, more cold than warmth.
My wife is from New Jersey. I’m from Florida. Her people love autumn and celebrate its arrival when the calendar flips to September. And why not? Autumn means outdoor festivals and pep rallies. It means soft gray smoke swirling from chimneys. It means pumpkin spice coffee and colorful foliage and (oh my God!) most of all it means–GLORIOUS AMERICAN FOOTBALL!
I have a hard time embracing these token tradeoffs when I know damn well what comes next.
Awareness is a bitch.
Don’t you people get it? There’s only one way out of autumn. No matter how nice it seems, it always dumps you right in front of that spooky old shed out back where you’re forced to sit inside on the dirt floor with your knees pressed against your chin for three months as you blow into your hands–watching your breath quickly appear and disappear like memories of basking on the beach under golden sunlight the summer before.
Then, sometime in April, the earth tilts on its axis enough for sunlight to stream in through the dirty window onto your eyelids. You’ll stand and stretch and step outside; squinting into a pasture of clover. Your gray, ashy skin shrinking from the sunshine.
September. I’m not falling for it.
***
Josef
Sep 11, 2010
love your style
Melissa
Aug 11, 2011
Summer in south Florida – I sit inside my house with the AC blasting cool air, and I see the condensation dripping down my windows. That’s when I know it is sweltering hot outside and I try to think of something to wear that won’t stick to my body when I start to sweat. Jeans? No way. A nice dress? Maybe. Then I leave the house wearing shorts, t-shirt and flip flops. When will summer be over!!! I can’t wait for September. Better yet, I can’t wait for the end of October when the evening breeze starts to turn cool. Amazing how this Florida native can’t wait for summer the end!!! On that note…..I love your article 😉
Jennifer
Sep 1, 2011
Jim,
It’s nice to hear of someone else who loathes Autumn. I was just telling a co-worker this AM that I hate this time of year because it brings death. Everything dies, it gets cold and nasty and leads to even crappier weather. I grew up in northeastern Ohio so you could go months without seeing the sun. Thanks for being so eloquent. Now if anyone tells me to Buck up and accept September, I’ll send them to this post!
Benjamin Brown
Sep 1, 2011
I’m a Notherner too. At heart, I love fall. Growing up, this mean trail rides with my grandfather, apple picking, pumpkin patches (the real ones, not the kind in church yards, that’s cheating), hot cider donuts. It’s a gateway to winter, which is also one of my favorite seasons. There is, to me, something about the smell of cold and leaves that makes me feel at home. I love spending autumn in the mountains where everything is colored gold and orange and red, like the world has set the forest on fire. In all honesty, I can’t stand the humidity and high temps of summer. 65-70 and sunny is perfection.
With all of that said, I love this piece. Great bit Jim, as always.
Hannah Kinney
Sep 1, 2011
I must say, although I happen to disagree with you (I LOVE Fall), this is beautifully written. I grew up in Madison, WI, and now live in Saint Petersburg, FL. Everything you don’t like about fall is everything I miss. But, I can see why you’d think it’s strange to welcome the cold months. It’s just what we know. It’s home. 🙂 … I still really enjoyed this post though. Thank you for sharing!
Rhiannon Fionn-Bowman
Sep 1, 2011
Jim. You’re amazing.
Dawn Westerberg
Sep 1, 2011
When I lived up north (most of my life) September was filled with a certain sadness – trying to estimate when the screens should be replaced with the storms, when the garden should be covered with the compost – and the desperate influence of doing anything outdoors because in another month or so, I might not be able to.
Winter meant shoveling, ice-scraping, and the grayness. Obviously, your post struck a chord.
Dion V
Sep 1, 2012
Love the article, Summer Brother. I’m from Southwestern Ontario, Canada but my heart is from warmer climes. I share your angst in this regard.
The Long Walk to Spring | obsessed with conformity
Mar 6, 2014
[…] love the cooler weather – we can’t wait for winter to get here’ back when I was bitching about it being September last year – shut up. Especially all you winter-hearty yankees. This is your weather. […]
Anonymous
Sep 1, 2014
This mess is…hilarious!
“September can kiss my ass…is a lie…I’m not falling for it!” You Clever Genious.
“Awareness is a bitch…”
Over here in tears. Thanks so much!
Greg Bryla
Sep 2, 2016
If you are originally from Florida and now reside above the state line, I get your angst. I like visiting cold weather and participate in the activities…but live through the daily frigid temps and greyness? Not. I do like to be outside in it and watch as the earth transitions out of its hibernation. I do prefer Florida winters in shorts and flip flops or a run or paddleboard without survival gear.
Douglas Kleeman
Sep 2, 2016
But Jim, my man, disliking autumn because it precedes winter is sort of like saying you hate weekends because they always eventually lead into Mondays. Awareness isn’t the bitch, anticipation is.
There’s my corny, live-in-the-moment Buddhist babble for the day. You can do this!
Jim Mitchem
Sep 2, 2016
But winter is way worse than Monday. And it lasts 3 months.
My novel – Minor King
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